Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
