I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
