thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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