omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
