I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm always down for nudity.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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