Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
