And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
