I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
