Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
