thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
