I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
