Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
