I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
