Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
