my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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