I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
