I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
