What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
