You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
