Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
