I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
