Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
