oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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