YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
