What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
time to smoke my breakfast
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
