I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
