I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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