i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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