I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
