I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
