So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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