two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
