Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
