Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
