This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
