The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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