yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
