he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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