it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
