You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
