ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
