I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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