Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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