I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
