i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
