I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
