Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
