Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
