just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
