the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
