you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
